Secret Laboratory
Music, News, & Global Affairs
Sometimes everyone needs a break from something they love. For me it’s been a break from writing – I haven’t touched my personal blog in months and have just reposted some older ones for Secret Laboratory. I even put my book on the back burner for a bit. Not that I am too busy...
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The main title of this piece is not a typo. According to the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune, as far back as April 10th of 2010, representatives from Apple Computers met with reps from Hatchett, Simon and Schuster, and HarperCollins, three of the largest traditional publishing houses in the industry. The purpose of this meeting? ...
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I drove a limo for a maniacal man Make a little bread was the general plan Where you headed was the question I asked most? When someone asked me back I was gone like a ghost I drove to Vegas met an old woman there Her eyes were wild she had perfect hair...
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Writing A Book? Don’t Forget Your Website! Writing a book or thinking about writing one? Already have one published or online? Then think seriously about getting yourself a domain name and a website. There is no better way of bringing your name and your book some great cheap publicity. The big guys are doing...
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Once again North Dakota is buzzing around the internet; both pleasantly surprising the east and west coasts and reminding them of the simple life that is found in “flyover country”. Marilyn Hagerty and her column The EatBeat of the Grand Forks Herald have created an internet sensation with her most recent piece on Grand...
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The Uncanny Valley: Tales From A Lost Town by Gregory Miller Illustrated by Randall York StoneGarden.Net Publishers 2011 Reviewed by Mike Nardine (“Gregory Miller is a fresh new talent with a great future.” –Ray Bradbury) As all of us know, a valley is a low point on the topography usually bisected by a river...
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Authors, rejoice! You have nothing to lose but your unpublished manuscripts! Ebooks, Ereaders and Epublishing are the great levelers. You got the same 100% chance of getting published as Stephen King. You no longer have to send your book to half-a-hundred publishers hoping for an acceptance before you finally bite the bullet and spend...
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The Minnesota Vikings actually won today, beating the Arizona Cardinals 34 – 10. Amazing. Recently, I’ve been saying things like, “Sorry I can’t come over—I’m gonna stay home and watch the Vikings lose.” It’s five o’clock and the house is quiet. There’s a pot of coffee on, a fridge full of beer, and sports...
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Congress passed a bill on Friday that would cripple the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) in the name of good business and profits; it will undoubtedly be defeated in the Senate—and barring that, the White House has threatened to veto it. I would like to say that the president vowed to stomp all over this...
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Rick Perry talks a good game, but let’s get down to brass tacks: according to one of his own state agencies, the Texas unemployment rate increased to 8.5% in August—the highest level in more than 24 years and more than twice the rate when Perry took office in December 2000. It’s hard to argue with...
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Once again, many thanks to one of my readers, Mr. Brent Kyle, who turned me onto a wonderful website—http://www.chrismartenson.com. So far, I have not had much time to explore the site; instead, I’ve devoted a bit of time to watching his Crash Course 20-part series. Each part ranges from 3 – 20 minutes and...
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That is part of the subtitle of Griftopia, Matt Taibbi’s 2010 book on the economic con that is sucking the marrow from this nation’s bones. I bought this book for my wife and I just started reading it today; I’m only into the first chapter, but it’s already a real screamer. This book is...
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When I was first introduced to the Zeitgeist Movement and the Venus Project a couple of years ago, I dismissed their videos as the ravings of a bunch of idealistic, liberal nutcases—the kind of talk that is best left ignored. Since then, I have grown a little older and a little wiser—it seems as...
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This will just be a quick note to introduce my new blog and bring my fans up-to-date on what I’ve been doing. Thank you to everyone who has purchased my first three novels; shame on you to those who have not. Currently, I’m working on my fourth novel, Breakfast & Bullets in Bed, which...
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For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.
These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.
This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.
Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.
To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.
And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.
And ... meh.
—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."
"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."
"But what do I write?"
"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."
"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"
"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."
Hello Lab!
The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.
So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.
No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.
John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security
In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.
For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/
The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.
I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...
But I can't seem to find John.
John?
Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...
"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"
—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org
