Secret Laboratory
Music, News, & Global Affairs
This afternoon I witnessed a couple and their child at the exit of the Wal-Mart in Pico Rivera, California; they were in the parking lot, carrying a sign, and asking for donations from a Wendy’s restaurant window located on the same property. I thought it would be a good idea if I could get...
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YDO and his cameraman/brother point out vehicles in the Wal-Mart parking lot that are occupied by the homeless who park their cars to sleep in on a nightly basis. Some of these homeless “sleepers,” as they are called (even by security), have been doing this for years every night after sundown in front of...
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Editor’s Note: In this video, we see YDO living in his car. I think this was actually filmed at the end of July. I sure hope so, because as far as I know, YDO is once again a resident of Angels Motel. Nevertheless, please consider going to http://www.youtube.com/user/cske6ydo and making a donation. Robert Martin, born sometime...
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Weeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m just having some fun with special effects to simulate a drugged-out experience without being drugged-up! OK? Does it look like I’m drugged up? If yes, good! Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got too drunk to drive. He...
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In this video report Robert Martin, KE6YDO extols the benefits of medical marijuana for the relief of pain from arthritis and other injuries. He also discusses the possibility of a secret “shadow government” and his theory as to why the United States government doesn’t want U.S. citizens to consume cannabis (aka “marijuana”) and Social...
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Editor’s Note: Our intrepid reporter, YDO, starts his morning in today’s first video by sending his warmest regards to one of his fans and friends: “Kristen, you look really good when you’re on drugs.” He then has a chance to meet another Facebook friend/fan, Ed Gordon, in today’s second video. In the third video,...
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Editor’s Note: Our West Coast correspondent, YDO, needs your help. He is currently on the streets on California and needs money for food–and a hotel room would be nice. In this video, he brings us up to speed on his situation and gives https://www.sugarsync.com/ a “big fuck yes.” Please go to http://www.youtube.com/user/cske6ydo and make a donation now to...
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Editor’s Note: YDO and his brother are in dire straits–at least until the first of the month rolls around. Currently they are on the streets of California and scraping together whatever change they can for their next meal. In these four videos, you’ll see two of those meals and a heartfelt message from YDO...
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Low on food, money, diesel and a front wheel bearing going out on their car, Robert Martin, KE6YDO and his cameraman brother, KE6RJI are once again out on the streets of Pico Rivera, California; they are struggling to keep their car running and get enough food to eat to make it to next month....
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Editor’s Note: As bad as Angels Motel is–you can see YDO being threatened in this first video–it’s still better than being on the street. Please visit YDO at http://www.youtube.com/user/cske6ydo and donate something–anything–today. This is important and we’d like to see everyone chip in to help Robert and Martin stay at Angels. Robert Martin, born sometime in...
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YDO doubts Romney can lead without Mormon constraints affecting executive decisions if elected into office. YDO also questions Romney’s claim he left his business yet he was still listed on the payroll 3 YEARS LATER as he takes a bite out of dirty politics and his Sunday afternoon tuna sandwich. Robert Martin, born sometime...
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Editor’s Note: In this video, our West Coast correspondent fails to use his press credentials–and the story he’s chasing makes a clean getaway. But what the hell, right? At least he Skypes with some guy. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his...
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I’m a medical marijuana patient here in California; I like to share the FUN part of medicating with all of you! The marijuana & alcohol combo works wonders in relieving all my pains for … never mind, it’s all doctor approved, including the alcohol. It’s far less evil than all the opiate-based pain killers I...
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Editor’s Note: In this video, our intrepid reporter, YDO, takes us on a walking tour of Pico Rivera, California; he points out the places to frequent, the ones to avoid, and what’s wrong with them. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his...
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Editor’s Note: In this video, our West Coast correspondent, YDO, sings Clearwire’s praises as a wireless Internet provider. He also smokes some pot and shows us all what we’d be doing on a Wednesday afternoon in a perfect world. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a...
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Editor’s Note: Our West Coast correspondent, YDO, is heavily medicated this evening. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got too drunk to drive. He was in a motorcycle accident at 17, resulting in a coma. After recovering, Martin worked as...
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Editor’s Note: Our West Coast correspondent, YDO, takes you on a tour of the Los Angeles freeway system in this video … and his brother, RJI, remembered to bring plenty of medicine. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got too...
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Editor’s Note: Robert Martin, our West Coast correspondent, is happy to bring us an informative review of Wendy’s chili, which goes well with crackers and has hardly any severed fingers in it. In YDO’s follow-up video, this brave reporter stares directly into the sun and lives to tell about it. Robert Martin, born sometime...
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Editor’s Note: In this first video, our West Coast correspondent brings you a comprehensive review of Hungry Man TV dinners. In the second video, YDO celebrates with a bath, a bong hit, and fondly recalls his days as a married man. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15...
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Editor’s Note: Robert Martin, our West Coast correspondent, is a bit preoccupied by Facebook tonight. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got too drunk to drive. He was in a motorcycle accident at 17, resulting in a coma. After recovering,...
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Editor’s Note: Robert Martin, our West Coast correspondent, is not smiling today–not until JT pays his parking tickets, goddamnit. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got too drunk to drive. He was in a motorcycle accident at 17, resulting in...
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Editor’s Note: After months of silence, our West Coast correspondent has been flooding our site with inspiring and informative videos. In this one, you’ll learn how to make “YDO Coffee,” using only the finest ingredients from Vietnam. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver...
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Editor’s Note: Robert Martin, our West Coast correspondent, gave a radio interview tonight wherein he explains his misadventures at Salvation Mountain. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got too drunk to drive. He was in a motorcycle accident at 17,...
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Editor’s Note So much for drugs. Our West Coast correspondent is getting high on food. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got too drunk to drive. He was in a motorcycle accident at 17, resulting in a coma. After recovering,...
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Editor’s Note: Robert Martin, our West Coast correspondent, is several days away from getting paid–but in the meantime, he has a free burrito and trazodone pills to tide him over. Also, he did NOT sell that radio for drugs, you motherfuckers. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15...
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For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.
These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.
This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.
Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.
To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.
And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.
And ... meh.
—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."
"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."
"But what do I write?"
"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."
"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"
"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."
Hello Lab!
The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.
So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.
No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.
John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security
In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.
For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/
The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.
I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...
But I can't seem to find John.
John?
Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...
"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"
—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org
