Secret Laboratory
Music, News, & Global Affairs
UPDATE: Mental Illness Redux – Behaviorist Mike Samsa Responds. I was having a heated discussion today about the somewhat contrived nature of modern psychology – at least fringe psychology. You see, as I understand things (with said understandings relatively biased and, I’ll admit, somewhat limited in an overall general way, so definitely...
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There’s a couple of videos that have been floating around recently that have gone viral and caused quite a stir. They’ve garnered much attention in the local Minnesota media, but the rest of the nation is beginning to take notice. The first video shows a St. Paul police officer kicking a man in the...
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My head is throbbing. I have a cold, my allergies have gone berserk, and I’ve had far too much coffee in the last couple of days. Summer is almost upon us and I’ve been working on adjusting my schedule. By nature, I’m nocturnal—but with the onset of beautiful weather, there simply is no good...
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Well, so much for Rick Santorum’s surge. He came in a dismal fifth place in the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday, behind even Newt Gingrich. Mitt Romney won, of course, followed by Ron Paul and … Jon Huntsman? Weird. Now, at least, we know who the new “flavor of the week” is—and this latest...
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Okay, now the holidays are finally over. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, but we’re officially into 2012 and we can begin to look forward to spring and tax season. Not everyone gets excited about taxes—in fact, many loathe the April 15 deadline—but I’m married and have two children, so I always feel...
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I apologize for neglecting my column for the last few days, but much of my weekend was spent coping with a nasty stomach virus while a parade of idiots crashed around my home, howling drunkenly and trying gamely to destroy both my apartment and my marriage. I had to fire one of our Entertainment...
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Thousands of people are converging on our nation’s Capitol; those who can’t make it all the way to Washington D.C. are showing up at the doors of their representatives’ local offices for discussions and sit-ins. “We came to tell members of Congress that they should represent the 99 percent not just corporations and the...
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I’ve always enjoyed Adam Carolla’s brand of humor—especially when he was hosting Love Line with Dr. Drew Pinsky—but his opinion regarding the Occupy Wall Street protests is repugnantly small minded. He has called them “fucking self-entitled monsters” and “self-entitled pricks who think the world owes them a living.” Mr. Carolla is referring to the...
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Massachusetts’ Attorney General Martha Coakley has filed suit against Bank of America, Wells Fargo, JP Morgan Chase, Citigroup and GMAC, charging that they foreclosed illegally on homes in the state and used deceptive loan servicing practices, including robo-signing. According to an article on MSNBC’s website: “The 50 state attorneys general had been trying to negotiate a settlement with...
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Aaron Schmidt, an 18-year-old student from South Dakota, hopped on a bus and joined the Occupy Wall Street movement in New York City. Eventually, his family tracked him down and he has returned to his hometown in Wisconsin, where he is working on having the governor tarred and feathered … … which hardly matters,...
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Thanksgiving has come and gone, Black Friday is finally over, and now it’s time to gear up for Christmas. I enjoy Christmas—not in any religious sense, and certainly not because of the giving and taking, but because it is a chance to visit with family and friends. I like the trappings of Christmas: eggnog,...
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MSNBC has unearthed a memo to the American Bankers Association (ABA) written by Sam Geduldig and Jay Cranford, partners of the lobbying firm Clark Lytle Geduldig & Cranford (CLGC) and former employees of John Boehner (R-Ohio). The memo asserts that Democratic victories in 2012 would be detrimental for Wall Street and targets specific races...
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Major cities all across the U.S. are participating in the November 17 Occupy Wall Street Day of Action. As many as 35,000—perhaps more—citizens are protesting in New York City. I’ve added a couple of additional live feeds to the side of this page and have been following the action for most of the day....
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A song came on the radio tonight that I hadn’t heard in a while; it was Ted Nugent belting out “Stranglehold” and it made me think of simpler times when we had nothing better to do than smoke dope and polish the anarchy buttons on our black leather jackets. Life is infinitely more complicated...
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It’s heartening to watch 10,000+ people surround and push back riot police, all of whom look just about scared enough to shit. That’s the scene that I just watched moments ago from Occupy Portland. I’ll tell you: it’s getting hard to keep up, because there are now hundreds of pages and live video streams...
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The Republicans had another debate tonight, this time in Michigan. As usual, Rick Perry made a fool of himself; but to his credit, he at least appeared to be somewhat sober. Herman Cain, who had hoped after Tuesday to be finished discussing his reputation as a pervert and a boor, found himself once again...
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I’ve been tinkering with this site for the last few days, adding pages and more features. Hopefully by early next week, I will be changing hosts and registering a new domain name—and along with that, will come even more changes. I originally built Secret Laboratory as a way to promote my books; but now,...
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I took a few days off from writing my column—and I wasn’t even going to bother tonight—but then I saw a news story that I simply must comment on. It doesn’t really surprise me, but it certainly deserves to be addressed here. Last night in California, Oakland riot police attacked the Occupy movement there...
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It’s Saturday afternoon—a beautiful fall day. Now that I’m done working (and am still a couple of hours away from any major chores), I thought that I’d drink a couple of these Samuel Adams Octoberfest beers and crank out some wisdom. Not a hell of a lot has changed since last night. I’ve watched...
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Well, the world is tearing itself apart today, as tens of thousands of protesters demonstrate and riot in the streets. October 15 marks a global uprising in almost 1,000 cities spanning 82 countries. For the most part, these occupations have remained peaceful; however, Rome is on fire and has been flooded with tear gas....
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I’m not writing the column tonight that I thought I would; specifically, I’m not writing about mass arrests in New York City and the eviction of protesters from Zuccotti Park. One of the main reasons for this revolution is the number of people who have been made victims of predatory lending and subsequently forced...
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Tonight and tomorrow morning are going to be pivotal points in the Occupy Wall Street movement. Mayor Bloomberg has announced that his storm troopers will begin evicting protesters from Zuccotti Park at 7 a.m. for “cleaning”—when they are through, demonstrators will not be allowed to take anything back inside except for the clothes on...
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Peace officers all over the country continue to show who they “protect & serve”—and it isn’t the people of this fine nation; rather, it is the 1% grifter class. Last night, at least 100 protesters were arrested in Boston for simply refusing to disperse when night fell. Perhaps the Boston PD doesn’t realize what...
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The Minnesota Vikings actually won today, beating the Arizona Cardinals 34 – 10. Amazing. Recently, I’ve been saying things like, “Sorry I can’t come over—I’m gonna stay home and watch the Vikings lose.” It’s five o’clock and the house is quiet. There’s a pot of coffee on, a fridge full of beer, and sports...
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I realize that it was somewhat of a shock when Chris Christie said once again that he’s not running for president, goddamnit, and why do you people keep hounding me?—but I was positively floored to learn that Sarah Palin isn’t going to throw her hat into the ring. No, that’s a lie. I’ve been...
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For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.
These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.
This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.
Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.
To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.
And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.
And ... meh.
—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."
"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."
"But what do I write?"
"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."
"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"
"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."
Hello Lab!
The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.
So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.
No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.
John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security
In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.
For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/
The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.
I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...
But I can't seem to find John.
John?
Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...
"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"
—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org
