Secret Laboratory
Music, News, & Global Affairs
UPDATE: Mental Illness Redux – Behaviorist Mike Samsa Responds. I was having a heated discussion today about the somewhat contrived nature of modern psychology – at least fringe psychology. You see, as I understand things (with said understandings relatively biased and, I’ll admit, somewhat limited in an overall general way, so definitely...
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Here’s a bit of mildly interesting mélange of events for you. First, it goes without saying that the Citizens United decision gets smellier the longer it remains unflushed in the toilet of our legislative process. My opinion, for what it’s worth, is that the largest businesses should be recognized as part of the legislative...
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It seems like every time I flip through the newspaper or turn on the news there’s another fatal or near-fatal shooting being reported. It’s one of the many reasons I try to avoid watching the news, actually. My heart sincerely goes out to the victims and their families every time I hear of another...
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Modern journalism as found on FOX, MSNBC and in other media (blogs, newspapers, magazines) has become quite biased. Journalism is supposed to be impartial and just provide the facts – not try to convince viewers of a particular viewpoint! –Tom Bullington, National Affairs Correspondent Political analysis–from a car! Campaign in a Car is a discussion...
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My head is throbbing. I have a cold, my allergies have gone berserk, and I’ve had far too much coffee in the last couple of days. Summer is almost upon us and I’ve been working on adjusting my schedule. By nature, I’m nocturnal—but with the onset of beautiful weather, there simply is no good...
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President Obama finally came out and admitted yesterday that he supports same-sex marriage, an issue that he’s been dancing around for years. It’s a risky business to say such a thing just six months away from the general election, but perhaps the president got a whiff of the political climate and decided that he’d...
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Even now, Newt Gingrich still refuses to admit that it’s over. According to some, he’s “hinted” that he might drop out of the race this week when he gets beaten stupid in the Delaware primary later tonight. “I think we need to take a deep look at what we are doing,” Gingrich told NBC...
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It’s been a while since we reported on any new developments with the Occupy Wall Street movement. Many people think that OWS is over and has been for some time; on the contrary, the only thing that has been lacking is media coverage. It’s easy to forget about something when you don’t hear about...
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The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) apparently wants to drive a wedge between homosexuals and racial minorities in an attempt to make those supporting gay marriage appear to be bigots. The story broke yesterday when certain confidential documents were unsealed in Maine by court order; in part, they say: Find, equip, energize and connect...
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Yesterday was Super Tuesday. Unsurprisingly, Mitt Romney won in most states, Rick Santorum had a few narrow victories, and Newt Gingrich managed just one. Ron Paul, who has made it his lifelong mission to alienate both Republicans and Democrats, went home a loser; however, he remains steadfastly committed to wasting as much money as...
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Chris Christie, while looking forward to his role as Mitt Romney’s running mate in this year’s presidential election, has vetoed a bill in New Jersey that would have allowed same-sex couples to marry. Meanwhile, in Maryland, a similar bill is on track to clear the Senate and subsequently be signed by Governor Martin O’Malley....
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“A little and a little, collected together, becomes a great deal; the heap in the barn consists of single grains, and drop by drop makes an inundation.” -Old Arab Proverb “In terms of game-theory, we might say the universe is so constituted as to maximize play. The best games are not those in which...
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Surprise, surprise … Newt Gingrich won yesterday’s South Carolina primary, trailed by Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, and finally poor old Ron Paul, who finished a dismal fourth. There were some people—over 2,500 of them—who insisted on voting for candidates who are no longer in the race; whether this is because they haven’t been keeping...
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Well, so much for Rick Santorum’s surge. He came in a dismal fifth place in the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday, behind even Newt Gingrich. Mitt Romney won, of course, followed by Ron Paul and … Jon Huntsman? Weird. Now, at least, we know who the new “flavor of the week” is—and this latest...
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Watching yesterday’s Republican debates on Meet the Press made it even more obvious than it already was who the nominee will be—namely, Mitt Romney. He was the only man on stage who I could even picture running in a general election, while Newt Gingrich only interrupted his sulking long enough for short, fiery bursts...
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We’re already seven days into the New Year and I’ve barely talked about the Occupy Wall Street movement. Perhaps it’s because the whole thing is easy to forget in the face of the hectic holiday season; or maybe it’s because the mainstream media only mentions OWS in passing—even as the revolution grows and continues...
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The City Pages reported on Wednesday that overall, our elected officials are much better off financially than we are—particularly Republicans (Minnesota’s four House Republicans have an average net worth of $1,413,752; in comparison, the four House Democrats have an average net worth of just $292,999). Yes, members of Congress are worth over nine times...
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Okay, now the holidays are finally over. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, but we’re officially into 2012 and we can begin to look forward to spring and tax season. Not everyone gets excited about taxes—in fact, many loathe the April 15 deadline—but I’m married and have two children, so I always feel...
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Well, another busy Christmas season is over. We still have New Year’s Eve to grapple with, but we’ll worry about that later. As usual, my children did very well for themselves and my wife and I got some nice things, too. I took a couple of days off from writing my column and worrying...
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Rick Perry prayed for guidance before his latest campaign event. Answering an audience member’s question regarding the role that prayer plays in his life, the candidate said, “Well, I prayed right before I walked over here that I wouldn’t make any mistakes that my friends in the media would be able to put on...
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The Occupy Wall Street website was down for a number of days—I don’t know why and there has been no mention anywhere of an interruption—but I checked moments ago and it is once again live. Even with progressive news sources such as RT America and MSNBC, it is easy to lose track of the...
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Thousands of people are converging on our nation’s Capitol; those who can’t make it all the way to Washington D.C. are showing up at the doors of their representatives’ local offices for discussions and sit-ins. “We came to tell members of Congress that they should represent the 99 percent not just corporations and the...
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I’ve always enjoyed Adam Carolla’s brand of humor—especially when he was hosting Love Line with Dr. Drew Pinsky—but his opinion regarding the Occupy Wall Street protests is repugnantly small minded. He has called them “fucking self-entitled monsters” and “self-entitled pricks who think the world owes them a living.” Mr. Carolla is referring to the...
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Massachusetts’ Attorney General Martha Coakley has filed suit against Bank of America, Wells Fargo, JP Morgan Chase, Citigroup and GMAC, charging that they foreclosed illegally on homes in the state and used deceptive loan servicing practices, including robo-signing. According to an article on MSNBC’s website: “The 50 state attorneys general had been trying to negotiate a settlement with...
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Aaron Schmidt, an 18-year-old student from South Dakota, hopped on a bus and joined the Occupy Wall Street movement in New York City. Eventually, his family tracked him down and he has returned to his hometown in Wisconsin, where he is working on having the governor tarred and feathered … … which hardly matters,...
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For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.
These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.
This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.
Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.
To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.
And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.
And ... meh.
—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."
"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."
"But what do I write?"
"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."
"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"
"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."
Hello Lab!
The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.
So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.
No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.
John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security
In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.
For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/
The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.
I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...
But I can't seem to find John.
John?
Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...
"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"
—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org
