Secret Laboratory
Music, News, & Global Affairs
UPDATE: Mental Illness Redux – Behaviorist Mike Samsa Responds. I was having a heated discussion today about the somewhat contrived nature of modern psychology – at least fringe psychology. You see, as I understand things (with said understandings relatively biased and, I’ll admit, somewhat limited in an overall general way, so definitely...
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Here’s a bit of mildly interesting mélange of events for you. First, it goes without saying that the Citizens United decision gets smellier the longer it remains unflushed in the toilet of our legislative process. My opinion, for what it’s worth, is that the largest businesses should be recognized as part of the legislative...
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It seems like every time I flip through the newspaper or turn on the news there’s another fatal or near-fatal shooting being reported. It’s one of the many reasons I try to avoid watching the news, actually. My heart sincerely goes out to the victims and their families every time I hear of another...
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“The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt “The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to...
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I’ve always enjoyed Adam Carolla’s brand of humor—especially when he was hosting Love Line with Dr. Drew Pinsky—but his opinion regarding the Occupy Wall Street protests is repugnantly small minded. He has called them “fucking self-entitled monsters” and “self-entitled pricks who think the world owes them a living.” Mr. Carolla is referring to the...
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Massachusetts’ Attorney General Martha Coakley has filed suit against Bank of America, Wells Fargo, JP Morgan Chase, Citigroup and GMAC, charging that they foreclosed illegally on homes in the state and used deceptive loan servicing practices, including robo-signing. According to an article on MSNBC’s website: “The 50 state attorneys general had been trying to negotiate a settlement with...
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I’ve all but given up on my local papers—I stack the print editions next to my toilet and then throw them away once a week or so—and television is a waste of time, except for MSNBC, perhaps. Today, I get most of my news from YouTube and the Occupy Wall Street website, preferring to...
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MSNBC has unearthed a memo to the American Bankers Association (ABA) written by Sam Geduldig and Jay Cranford, partners of the lobbying firm Clark Lytle Geduldig & Cranford (CLGC) and former employees of John Boehner (R-Ohio). The memo asserts that Democratic victories in 2012 would be detrimental for Wall Street and targets specific races...
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Most people don’t understand the importance of today; they think of it as Veterans’ Day—which is a fine thing, I suppose—but it’s not quite the same thing as Armistice Day. What’s worse, is the people who are celebrating tonight simply because the date lines up like so: 11-11-11. Well … so what? Last year...
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First of all, I’d like to apologize for neglecting my column for the last week. I’d like to think that there are plenty of people out there who have missed me; whether or not that’s true remains to be seen. As I said on October 29, this site is undergoing a transformation of sorts....
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Well, the world is tearing itself apart today, as tens of thousands of protesters demonstrate and riot in the streets. October 15 marks a global uprising in almost 1,000 cities spanning 82 countries. For the most part, these occupations have remained peaceful; however, Rome is on fire and has been flooded with tear gas....
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I’m not writing the column tonight that I thought I would; specifically, I’m not writing about mass arrests in New York City and the eviction of protesters from Zuccotti Park. One of the main reasons for this revolution is the number of people who have been made victims of predatory lending and subsequently forced...
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Peace officers all over the country continue to show who they “protect & serve”—and it isn’t the people of this fine nation; rather, it is the 1% grifter class. Last night, at least 100 protesters were arrested in Boston for simply refusing to disperse when night fell. Perhaps the Boston PD doesn’t realize what...
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Congress passed a bill on Friday that would cripple the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) in the name of good business and profits; it will undoubtedly be defeated in the Senate—and barring that, the White House has threatened to veto it. I would like to say that the president vowed to stomp all over this...
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The Vikings fooled us again: they were ahead until the bitter end—and then in the last minute of the final quarter, they were beaten stupid by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, losing 24 – 20. So, I changed the channel and checked on the Twins, who were leading the Cleveland Indians 3 – 1. I...
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It’s 4:30 on Saturday afternoon and I’ve just now sat down at this machine to crank out some wisdom. I was awake until five o’clock in the morning, back up at ten, spent four hours cleaning the house, took a shower, and then fought to unclog the bathroom sink. The kids are tired and...
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Once again, many thanks to one of my readers, Mr. Brent Kyle, who turned me onto a wonderful website—http://www.chrismartenson.com. So far, I have not had much time to explore the site; instead, I’ve devoted a bit of time to watching his Crash Course 20-part series. Each part ranges from 3 – 20 minutes and...
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I don’t normally bother to write my column on the weekends—I don’t get much writing done at all—but I have a few spare minutes this evening while my wife and daughter shop for school supplies and a hot chicken dinner. My son is wearing his new coat and shoes while he watches Spongebob; I...
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Republicans and Democrats are arguing over spending once again, this time about what to do with the mess on the East Coast in the wake of Hurricane Irene. You see, FEMA is just about out of money and the Republicans don’t want to give them any more unless it can be offset by cutting...
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The biggest news by far is the arrival of Hurricane Irene, which is scheduled to batter the East Coast over the weekend before fizzling out and sparing the Canadians sometime around Tuesday. Those poor buggers out East just can’t catch a break—first they were “startled” and “unnerved” by that earthquake and now they’re all...
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Saturday started innocently enough: Billy and I replaced a tie rod on my car. The part only cost twenty dollars, yet I’ve been putting it off for some time now. “That thing’s gonna break when you’re on the freeway and you’re gonna die,” he insisted. So we fixed it. Sunday was going to be...
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We have only a few days left until the United States defaults on its financial obligations, potentially plunging us into one of the worst economic disasters that we’ve ever seen. 1929 was a bad year … and so was 2008 … but what about 2011? It’s hard to fathom anything being as awful as...
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That is part of the subtitle of Griftopia, Matt Taibbi’s 2010 book on the economic con that is sucking the marrow from this nation’s bones. I bought this book for my wife and I just started reading it today; I’m only into the first chapter, but it’s already a real screamer. This book is...
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For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.
These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.
This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.
Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.
To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.
And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.
And ... meh.
—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."
"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."
"But what do I write?"
"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."
"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"
"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."
Hello Lab!
The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.
So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.
No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.
John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security
In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.
For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/
The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.
I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...
But I can't seem to find John.
John?
Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...
"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"
—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org
