Secret Laboratory
Music, News, & Global Affairs
That’s exactly what he said when I showed him this picture; and while he might have wondered why anyone would marry a Megalodon shark, he kept his curiosity to himself. Apparently, you don’t ask too many questions when someone is paying you $200 an hour; instead, you just start drawing up papers and making...
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UPDATE: Mental Illness Redux – Behaviorist Mike Samsa Responds. I was having a heated discussion today about the somewhat contrived nature of modern psychology – at least fringe psychology. You see, as I understand things (with said understandings relatively biased and, I’ll admit, somewhat limited in an overall general way, so definitely...
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![Ed: “His [Romney's] visage reminds me of a cheap Halloween mask—the kind of thing that you could find hanging on a clearance rack in your local drugstore on the 31st as the sun goes down.”](http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/486796_10151088962303133_1907598490_n.jpg)
As you know, we streamed the second presidential debate live and will do the same with the next one. In case you missed any of them, we have all three debates available in their entirety—just follow this link. And the last one … well … it was worth watching. Mitt Romney outdid himself by...
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I feel like I watched two debates tonight. The first one I watched was Mitt Romney overplaying his hand, arrogantly and overaggressively dominating the stage, dangerously nearing Al Gore sighing territory. President Obama dominated Mitt Romney on Medicare but he completely ceded other areas of the debate; not because Mitt Romney did anything brilliant...
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Clint Eastwood, Hollywood’s award-winning director and actor, created quite a scene at the Republican National Convention this past week. Eastwood brought a chair onto the stage, imagined and even convinced the audience to imagine that President Barack Obama sat in it, then proceeded to speak to it! It is being said that the sketch...
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Editor’s Note: In these videos, YDO cranks up the National Affairs Desk from California and expounds on Mitt Romney, Barack Obama, Mormonism, and food stamps. Also, with winter coming, he and his brother need help with money, food, and a place to live. Go to http://www.youtube.com/user/cske6ydo and make a donation now. Robert Martin, born sometime in...
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Today is the one-year anniversary of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Many people believe that OWS ended—was crushed, really—months ago; they think that it never survived the winter. Those people haven’t been paying attention. Occupy Wall Street has grown, although it has become so commonplace that it no longer receives media attention … but...
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On Thursday, August 30th, 2012, Beloved smarty pants Bill Nye the Science Guy released a video on Bigthink.com titled “Creationism is Not Appropriate for Children” in which he urged the grown-ups of the world to refrain from teaching their children the myth of creationism as an alternative to science. He said, “I say to the...
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Facing a surprisingly tough re-election campaign, White House insiders have hinted at an October Surprise that may truly be out of this world. If nearly 90 percent employment, the ordering of the murder of Osama Bin Laden, and his amazing ability to orate won’t convince the people to keep Obama in office, they say...
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President Obama’s campaign, for the most part, has been negative against Romney so far. I wish he would return to running a positive campaign like he did in 2008 against McCain. Hope and change never go out of style! –Tom Bullington, National Affairs Correspondent Political analysis–from a car! Campaign in a Car is a discussion of...
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If I had all of two readers I would be grateful. To my loyal followers I wish to apologize. It has been a while, but I’m back. Not only am I here to stay, but I’m back with a cause. Today, June 28, 2012, the United States Supreme Court upheld and justified President Obama’s...
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October 7 is Pulpit Freedom Sunday, which for four years now has meant pastors all over the U.S. will be giving sermons in which they endorse a political candidate—Mitt Romney, I imagine—in direct violation of IRS rules for a 501(c)(3) charitable organization. Last year, 539 pastors participated and organizers expect even more in 2012....
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I’m fairly convinced that former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney will be elected president this November. And it might not even be close due to the poor economy and high unemployment. I think Romney will win Wisconsin, Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, and North Carolina, and a few other Obama states. What do you think? Do you...
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Illegal immigration is a tough topic to figure out. Should we just round up every illegal immigrant and send them back home? Or are there alternatives that would help everyone? What do you think of President Obama’s new policy? –Tom Bullington, National Affairs Correspondent Political analysis–from a car! Campaign in a Car is a...
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I quit Netflix yesterday, having realized that I was spending an extraordinary amount of time watching nothing useful at all. I mean, complete shit. I’m not even sure how many prison shows I’ve seen, or documentaries on gangs like the Bloods and the Crips. For hours, I’d sit here like a slack-jawed idiot, learning...
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I discovered this evening that I’m right-legged. If you stand on one leg—just one leg—while you’re drinking 94-proof black rum (with a killer kraken on the bottle), you too will figure out which is your dominant leg. I’m not sure what any of this means—I couldn’t write with my right leg—but it must be...
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President Obama finally came out and admitted yesterday that he supports same-sex marriage, an issue that he’s been dancing around for years. It’s a risky business to say such a thing just six months away from the general election, but perhaps the president got a whiff of the political climate and decided that he’d...
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Even now, Newt Gingrich still refuses to admit that it’s over. According to some, he’s “hinted” that he might drop out of the race this week when he gets beaten stupid in the Delaware primary later tonight. “I think we need to take a deep look at what we are doing,” Gingrich told NBC...
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It’s been a while since we reported on any new developments with the Occupy Wall Street movement. Many people think that OWS is over and has been for some time; on the contrary, the only thing that has been lacking is media coverage. It’s easy to forget about something when you don’t hear about...
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Poor old Newt Gingrich just doesn’t want to give up and admit that his campaign is over. Even after laying off a third of his staff, cutting back on travel, and meeting with the only ten people who have endorsed him (and hearing their doubts about the viability of his campaign), he is unwilling...
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The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) apparently wants to drive a wedge between homosexuals and racial minorities in an attempt to make those supporting gay marriage appear to be bigots. The story broke yesterday when certain confidential documents were unsealed in Maine by court order; in part, they say: Find, equip, energize and connect...
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I’d like to say that I’ve been neglecting my column and my responsibilities as the editor & publisher of this magazine because I’ve been busy with my next three books—or even a short story—but the truth is, I’ve been dividing my time pretty evenly between gutting my apartment and immersing myself in the nightmare...
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Yesterday was Super Tuesday. Unsurprisingly, Mitt Romney won in most states, Rick Santorum had a few narrow victories, and Newt Gingrich managed just one. Ron Paul, who has made it his lifelong mission to alienate both Republicans and Democrats, went home a loser; however, he remains steadfastly committed to wasting as much money as...
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Advertisers and radio stations alike are dropping Rush Limbaugh’s show like a hot potato because of his recent decision to call Sandra Fluke a “slut” and “prostitute” after she appeared before members of Congress advocating the wider availability of contraceptives. I’ve received a lot of emails about this—and there is a petition circulating asking his advertisers to...
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It’s been hectic in the world of politics since I checked in last. I got hung up re-designing this site and have taken on a couple of editing assignments, all of which demands most of my time. But what the hell, right? It’s the weekend—Super Bowl weekend—and I thought that I’d crank out a...
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For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.
These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.
This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.
Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.
To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.
And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.
And ... meh.
—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."
"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."
"But what do I write?"
"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."
"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"
"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."
Hello Lab!
The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.
So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.
No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.
John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security
In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.
For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/
The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.
I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...
But I can't seem to find John.
John?
Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...
"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"
—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org
