Secret Laboratory

Music, News, & Global Affairs

Submissions

Write for Secret Laboratory!

Secret Laboratory is an online entertainment magazine for music, news, and global affairs. We are currently seeking content for our site—columns, fiction, poetry, reviews, articles, art, films, etc. We are going for something like Rolling Stone, Playboy, or City Pages, with lots of humor, sarcasm, and satire. If you have something specific that you’d like to write about—sports, outdoor recreation, etc.—let me know and we can create a new department and/or category. My main criteria for publishing material is that it is well written and entertaining for the reader.

Secret Laboratory has been online in its current format since 11-01-2011. At this time, we’re unable to offer compensation for your work; but by submitting content, you do not surrender any rights or sign any contracts, allowing you to simultaneously publish your material elsewhere. Many people so far have expressed an interest in simply using Secret Laboratory as a platform to re-publish their work—we’re fine with this. Also, we gladly link to outside sites such as blogs, websites, MySpace pages, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc. We encourage new and established authors to submit content and use our site to link to their books.

Besides written columns, we welcome video bloggers. If you upload to YouTube or a similar site, consider posting your videos on our site.

We are looking for editors of specific departments at this time—people with exceptional composition skills and experience using WordPress software. While all contributors are issued usernames and passwords, allowing them to post regular columns directly to the homepage of our site, our editors are responsible for moderating comments, editing posts, making design changes, etc. Right now we have seven department editors. We’re looking for more, specifically a Music Editor, a Global Affairs Editor, etc. If you’re interested and are comfortable with WordPress, please let me know.

Secret Laboratory will not publish racist, homophobic, misogynistic, or any other type of hateful material; we also do not publish pornographic videos, images, or text. (R-rated material is fine; however, all content is subject to approval by the managing/executive editors and/or the editor-in-chief.) Secret Laboratory is a liberal, progressive publication that supports human rights and building a better future for mankind.

Our goal is to become a top provider of news & entertainment on the Web; as our success grows, so will opportunities for paid staff positions. (We are currently averaging as many as 4,000 hits per day; we expect this number to grow exponentially.) I would like to invite anyone who is interested in contributing to this site to submit their ideas, stories, etc. to our managing editor, Terencio Safford, at terencio@secretlaboratory.org. You may contact me at editor@secretlaboratory.org. Attachments are fine and articles should be in Microsoft Word (.doc) format. When submitting, please have a photograph and short bio (third person) available—these will appear on your contributor page and also at the footer of your stories.

Thank you for your interest & support. I look forward to hearing from you.

—Ed

PUBLISHER’S STATEMENT

For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.

These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.

This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.

Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.

To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.

And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.

And ... meh.

—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org

Here’s Your Wisdom

Among many other roles, blogging has served as a laboratory in which a multitude of writers have experimented with the myriad possibilities of online self-expression.

—Scott Rosenberg

May you live in interesting times.

—ancient Chinese curse

Life goes on—even for those of us who are divorced, broke, and sloppy.

—Oscar Madison

All I ever ask of the women I date is that they be faithful to me & honest with me ... but then every time I turn around, they're cheating on me & lying about it....

—Ed

EDITOR’S COLUMN

"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."

"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."

"But what do I write?"

"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."

"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"

"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."

Hello Lab!

The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.

So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.

No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.

John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security

In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.

For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/

The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.

I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...

But I can't seem to find John.

John?

Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...

"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"

—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org

Technology

ABOUT US

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Secret Laboratory is an online entertainment magazine for Music, News, & Global Affairs; it is published in the USA by Maple Hills Press.

Secret Laboratory is a progressive publication that supports human rights and building a better future for mankind. We specialize in humor, satire, news analysis, and support indie authors. Maple Hills Press, a non-traditional publishing imprint, believes that all talented writers should have a platform for their work, whether it be on the Internet, in the eBook market, or in print.

We welcome your comments, questions, and suggestions; we also encourage writers to submit their work and for bloggers to re-publish their columns here. If you're interested in joining our team, please visit our Submissions Page.

Correspondence may be directed to:
editor@secretlaboratory.org

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Submissions