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Hi, it’s the 1980s, can we have our words, and car, and blood-soaked clothes back?

November 1, 2012
By

I heard hard work never killed anyone but I figure, why not...?


Well… this is a unique treat. This game surprised me, I got much talk about it on twitter so I decided to check into it myself.

This game, which started out slightly odd to me, won me over almost instantly with its over the top gore, unique art and bodacious soundtrack.

That’s right, BODACIOUS.

For once, I actually agree with the other reviewers on a recent release, and not since Super Meat Boy have I found a game where death doesn’t piss me off as much as it should. Let me start at the beginning of my experience with this.

I started off watching the trailer for the steam release, a simple, almost noir affair of a man getting out of a car with a baseball bat. This simple trailer summed the whole game up in just a little bit, without showing the over the top gore. Yes there was blood, but it wasn’t like he bathed in it. So  went and shelled out the ten bucks for this game.

This game starts out with a simple tutorial for it’s simple, yet unique controls. You use the mouse and the WASD set-up to move, space bar to ‘finish’ enemies, shift for fine aiming. Such simple controls for such a unique and challenging game.

After that, you receive your first bit of story, with the protagonist being accosted by 3 masked men. It all started on April 3, 1989…

Missions or levels, whatever you decide to call them arrive via phone messages. Thank god there is not a pager, because these enemies are quick to react, and vicious. I step into the metro for my first taste of real action, knocking people out, finishing them and grabbing a briefcase. On the way out, I’m greeted by a few more goons, before escaping in my Delorean (Well it looks like one). Then I get my next ‘cut scene’ of sorts when my character stops at a convenience store.

After that I get a new mask, and go on to the next mission. The masks each do a different thing, boosting your effectiveness in combat. Everything from small kill bonuses (as in ‘Lethal Doors’ above) to silenced shots, things to make the game more your style. I’m not subtle, I’m loud and proud, which goes to say Splinter Cell and Metal Gear aren’t my cup of tea.

Death will happen, eventually. It’s actually painless, it starts over from the last check point lightning fast and puts you back in the action immediately. Being that I don’t ‘do’ stealth, I died a lot, but didn’t get frustrated. I died a lot in RE6 because of control issues, the other player, me being cocky, but in Hotline Miami, with nobody to blame but myself, I didn’t get upset at all.

In closing, Hotline Miami is a mind-boggling bloodbath that doesn’t let up. From the beginning this game grabs you by the balls, pulls you in and drags you around for one hell of a retro ride. This game is one of the can’t miss titles of 2012. Go get it and start blasting, it’s more addictive than crystal meth.

Josh Flaherty

Josh Flaherty

Josh Flaherty is an independent game designer from Minneapolis, MN and owner of Queuethulu Games LLC. He has worked on independent video games since 2003 and is passionate about the art of games, unique stories, and long walks down dark alleys. Visit Josh at his personal blog, http://vonshmoot.blogspot.com/ and also at Queuethulu Games Blog (personal game design blog) http://queuethulu.blogspot.com/. You can follow him on Twitter as well @SWTZMBEJESUS. To contact Josh, email him at joshflaherty@secretlaboratory.org.


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EDITOR’S COLUMN

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"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."

"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."

"But what do I write?"

"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."

"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"

"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."

Hello Lab!

The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.

So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.

No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.

John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security

In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.

For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/

The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.

I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...

But I can't seem to find John.

John?

Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...

"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"

—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org

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Secret Laboratory is an online entertainment magazine for Music, News, & Global Affairs; it is published in the USA by Maple Hills Press.

Secret Laboratory is a progressive publication that supports human rights and building a better future for mankind. We specialize in humor, satire, news analysis, and support indie authors. Maple Hills Press, a non-traditional publishing imprint, believes that all talented writers should have a platform for their work, whether it be on the Internet, in the eBook market, or in print.

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