This Just In: It’s Fucking Hot!

July 10, 2012

Anyone who hasn’t been living in a subterranean ice castle will no doubt have realized by now that it’s hot outside. Not just hot – really, really fucking hot. Oppressively hot. Sweat pooling in your undies hot. And there doesn’t appear to be an end in sight, as CNN reports that the US has had a record heat wave for the last 12 consecutive months. That’s right – the last 12 months have been the hottest on record EVER here in the US. And, 9 out of 10 of the hottest years globally have occurred since the year 2000, according to NOAA.

In addition to the sweltering summer heat wave that’s been acting as the Easy-Bake Oven to our America-shaped chocolate cake, massive natural disasters are happening world-wide. Our country has become one-third fire and two-thirds flooding. As you can see from the photos in this link, Minnesota practically lost the entire city of Duluth. In the last month there’s been flooding in Russia, India, the UK, and Uganda, a 5.7 magnitude earthquake in China, and a hurricane in Mexico. Read about it all here. That shit is crazy.

There are some idiots out there that think this is the beginning of Armageddon – that the world will end on December 21, 2012 and that this is just the opening act. Others out there are still denying that man is causing the weather to become more extreme. You can find those jackasses easily, because they’re letting their Hummer idle in front of their mansion for a few hours to burn out the gas in the tank because it’s “old” and they want only the freshest gas for their baby. Anyone who denies that our pollution – aka greenhouse gases – hasn’t been directly contributing to the unpredictable weather around the world may just as well get out the lawn chairs and wait for the second coming. Those people deserve each other.

“But what about ME?” you ask. Well, the rest of us sorry saps get to suffer in it. I propose we try to look at the advantages of our new climate.

1. No more pesky snow to shovel in the winter

2. Save money on heating costs in the winter

3. More incentive to get that ‘beach body’ look, since we can’t hide in baggy sweatshirts for half the year

4. Spend less time mowing the grass (because it’s dead!)

5. Your property may soon become lakefront, river-adjacent, or even on its own island! Neato!

Sources:

http://www.eia.gov/oiaf/1605/ggccebro/chapter1.html

http://disaster-report.blogspot.com/2012/03/worldwide-natural-disasters-list-detail_18.html

http://www.denverpost.com/wildfires

http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2012/06/duluth_floods_top_10_jaw-dropping_images_photos.php

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/10/world/unusual-world-weather/index.html?iref=allsearch

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/09/us/extreme-heat/index.html

http://www.noaa.gov/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/natural-disasters

Patti Lynn Henry

Patti Lynn Henry was delivered in a blizzard in February of 1984 by a drunk doctor who nearly fainted at the sight of a baby with a disintegrated umbilical cord. She’s faced countless tragedies, both real and imaginary, ever since. She’s a hostage of her home town of Northfield, MN. When Patti isn’t busy writing, she’s dressing her cats up in costumes and burying the photographs in her garden.

Email Patti at pattihenry@Secretlaboratory.org Visit her website at www.pattilynnhenry.com

Tags: 2012, Apocolypse, Armageddon, doomsday 2012, Duluth Flooding, flooding, global warming, heat wave, minnesota, national affairs, natural disasters, Patti Lynn Henry, record heat, Secret LAboratory, weather

This entry was posted on July 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm and is filed under Local Affairs, National Affairs, News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.