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Understanding Our Financial Crisis

October 13, 2011
By
Can you spot the real Mayor Bloomberg?

Can you spot the real Mayor Bloomberg?

Tonight and tomorrow morning are going to be pivotal points in the Occupy Wall Street movement. Mayor Bloomberg has announced that his storm troopers will begin evicting protesters from Zuccotti Park at 7 a.m. for “cleaning”—when they are through, demonstrators will not be allowed to take anything back inside except for the clothes on their backs.

I fully expect to be writing about mass arrests and rampant police brutality tomorrow; I also expect that this latest tactic will only lead to further public outrage and support for the 99%.

On October 15, in 868 cities in 71 countries (so far), members of the 99% will take to the streets in earnest. Next month, thousands of people will close their accounts with all major banks and take their business to local credit unions. For more information, go to http://15october.net/.

Herman Cain: "Tax the poor!"

Herman Cain: "Tax the poor!"

Herman Cain, who has called the OWS protesters “un-American,” is still trying to hoist his 9-9-9 plan on the public. He says that its simplicity appeals to voters because those poor bastards are too dumb to understand anything else … which might be true, because not too many people seem to realize that this plan will do nothing more than lower taxes on the wealthy and raise taxes for everyone else.

Bruce Bartlett, a senior official in the Reagan and George H.W. Bush administrations, described the plan as a “distributional monstrosity.”

“The poor would pay more while the rich would have their taxes cut, with no guarantee that economic growth will increase and good reason to believe that the budget deficit will increase,” Bartlett recently wrote in the New York Times. “Even allowing for the poorly thought through promises routinely made on the campaign trail, Mr. Cain’s tax plan stands out as exceptionally ill conceived.”

We Are The 99%

We Are The 99%. Click here to read more stories or post your own

According to MSNBC: “The reason the plan would hit poor people much harder than the wealthy is also simple. The current tax code provides a series of deductions, credits and exemptions that ease the tax burden on all households, but they have a greater positive impact on  those at the bottom of the income ladder. As a result, some 38 percent of U.S. households pay little or no income taxes. They would now suddenly be hit with what amounts to a tax bill that represents 27 percent of their income, according to USC law professor Edward Kleinbard, who published a paper this week calling the 9-9-9 plan ‘a terrific example of fiscal hocus pocus.’”

“It is presented as a low-tax panacea, but it actually would raise the tax bills of many Americans very substantially,” he said.

All of which just goes to show you that Republicans, for all of their blustering and bullshit about not raising taxes, don’t give a tinker’s damn as long as it doesn’t affect the top 1%.

You know, all of these fiendish cons—like the one that just about destroyed the world economy in 2008—are made possible by people’s stupidity and complacency. Just now, A woman started blathering at me about the Occupy protesters in Minneapolis—she has no idea who they are or why they’re there. I tried to explain it to her and she looked at me with absolutely no comprehension whatsoever. When I tried to outline some basic concepts like investment banking, compound interest, bubble economics, and the like, she thought I was criticizing the tellers down at TCF. I mentioned the global financial crash of 2008 and she didn’t even know what I was talking about.

Inside Job

Click here to watch "Inside Job" online for free

Jesus God. This country is full of fat, stupid dullards who couldn’t name the vice president—but they sure could tell you who the front-runner on American Idol is.

Meanwhile, John McCain is huffing and puffing about the mandatory defense cuts that are sure to come when the supercommittee fails to reach a compromise next month. He has vowed to fight for the integrity of our war machine; however, he is unconcerned about Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and all of those other bullshit social programs that poor people take advantage of.

Fuck this. I can’t stand to read even one more of these depressing, asinine stories …

… but before I go, here’s one last thing: if you haven’t already, please see the 2011 documentary, Inside Job. This film quite plainly explains the financial disaster of 2008, what led up to it, and who the culprits were (are). You can view it online for free here. Perhaps if that woman had seen this film, she’d understand—but I doubt it.

Here’s your wisdom:

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EDITOR’S COLUMN

1
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."

"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."

"But what do I write?"

"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."

"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"

"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."

Hello Lab!

The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.

So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.

No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.

John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security

In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.

For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/

The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.

I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...

But I can't seem to find John.

John?

Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...

"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"

—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org

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