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Scott Walker wins … swear off politics?

June 7, 2012
By

I’ve been too depressed these last couple of days to crank out a column. Gov. Scott Walker won the recall election in Wisconsin on Tuesday, which just goes to show you how many people think nothing of getting up in the morning, eating a big bowl of Cheerios, and then hustling off to the polls to vote against their own best interests. When you consider the fact that the Republican party more-or-less serves only 1% of the population, you have to wonder why the crooked bastards keep on getting elected.

Rush Limbaugh, zombie

Sources have confirmed that Rush Limbaugh actually died of a massive heart attack nearly 12 years ago. "It's incredible," said a man who wished to remain anonymous. "He's been dead all this time, but he's just so fucking stupid that he doesn't realize it."

Perhaps it’s Fox News and men like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity. If you want a good laugh, forget about Comedy Central and just tune in to Fox. The shit that they say on that network—with a straight face—is just about enough to drive a person right up the goddamned wall. What’s worse is that approximately half of the people in this country believe it.

Fuck it. Scott Walker may have kept his position as governor, but we did at least win back the Wisconsin Senate … and I should probably listen to all of those emails that I get from the people at Daily Kos, the AFL-CIO, and others. They say that I should “keep my chin up” and “keep on fighting”—and they’re right, but sometimes I wonder.

In other news, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke met with the Joint Economic Committee today and said, in part, “I’d be much more comfortable if, in fact, Congress would take some of this burden from us.”

He was talking about heading off the prospect of a so-called “fiscal cliff” at the end of the year, when automatic spending cuts will kick in and tax cuts will expire if no action is taken.

Well … good luck with that. Congress hasn’t done a goddamned thing lately but hold this country and our economy hostage every chance they’ve had. And while our credit rating was downgraded last summer by Standard & Poor’s, Fitch Ratings is planning on following suit.

“It seems clear that the situation is deteriorating at the global level,” said Barry Bosworth, an economist at the Brookings Institution.

No shit. And ultimately, nothing the Republicans or the Democrats come up with is going to solve the problem. Depending on policy, it is possible to either slow or accelerate the impending economic disaster—but you can’t stop it. Only a major overhaul of the entire system can do that—and it’s something that will have to happen sooner or later. We can do it now, or we can wait for the whole stupid house of cards to collapse.

I’ve touched on this topic in many of my other columns, but it bears repeating. Our “economy,” as it exists, is a perpetual-growth paradigm that is absolutely unsustainable. Money is loaned into existence at interest, which means that money is debt; furthermore, the money that is needed to pay that interest doesn’t exist—therefore, the money supply must be perpetually increased and defaults and bankruptcies are mathematically certain to occur. Our money supply is tied to finite, “real-world” things like energy and resources—and those things have a ceiling.

Here’s an interesting tidbit: Did you know that only 1 – 5% of our money actually exists in cash & coin? The rest exists only as numbers in computers. Try wrapping your head around that one. Your bank account balance does not represent how much money you have there—in reality, it is really nothing more than an IOU or a promise to pay.

So, how do we fix the problem? Here are three good places to start:

http://themoneymasters.com/

http://monetary.org/

http://thevenusproject.com/

Money. Economics. Peak oil. These are grim subjects—ones that don’t get the attention that they deserve, especially during an election year. I find it a bit troubling that none of our elected officials seem to understand what a pickle we’re in, let alone care. It’s June now, and the next couple of months are going to be rather slow as Mitt Romney and Barack Obama stay in a kind of holding pattern. Come September, the campaign trail is going to crank up again in earnest as election day draws near. Perhaps between now and then I should try to concentrate on other things. My doctor has warned me that if I don’t start eating right and stop poisoning my body and get my head straightened out in general, I’ll have a fucking stroke and die long before I have a chance to cast my vote in November.

Here’s your wisdom:

John T. Schmitz

John T. Schmitz

John T. Schmitz is the editor & publisher of Secret Laboratory; he is the founder of Maple Hills Press and has also freelanced as a writer and photographer, contributing to various local and international publications. Mr. Schmitz lives in Minnesota with his wife, Megan, and their two children; he is the author of five books.

Email Mr. Schmitz at editor@secretlaboratory.org.

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EDITOR’S COLUMN

1
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."

"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."

"But what do I write?"

"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."

"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"

"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."

Hello Lab!

The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.

So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.

No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.

John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security

In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.

For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/

The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.

I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...

But I can't seem to find John.

John?

Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...

"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"

—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org

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Secret Laboratory is an online entertainment magazine for Music, News, & Global Affairs; it is published in the USA by Maple Hills Press.

Secret Laboratory is a progressive publication that supports human rights and building a better future for mankind. We specialize in humor, satire, news analysis, and support indie authors. Maple Hills Press, a non-traditional publishing imprint, believes that all talented writers should have a platform for their work, whether it be on the Internet, in the eBook market, or in print.

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