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What the hell happens on May 1?

January 7, 2012
By
OWS Pilots

"These goddamned hippies are gonna be sorry when I send in the dogs and turn the fire hoses on them," threatened Mayor Bloomberg this afternoon at a press conference.

We’re already seven days into the New Year and I’ve barely talked about the Occupy Wall Street movement. Perhaps it’s because the whole thing is easy to forget in the face of the hectic holiday season; or maybe it’s because the mainstream media only mentions OWS in passing—even as the revolution grows and continues to spread. I do my best to stay abreast of things, but I still recommend checking in at the link I just provided every day for updates.

Speaking of links, there’s an annual recap of the movement that I urge each and every one of you to read. 2011: A Year in Revolt illustrates for us both in words and pictures just what is happening not only in New York City, but all across the United States and the rest of the globe. When Time magazine names “The Protester” as their person of the year … well … you know there’s something to it.

Many folks—especially those who get their information from Fox News—believe that OWS is over and that it has been for some time. Nothing could be further from the truth. There are major actions planned for the rest of the winter and the spring—and according to a cryptic statement from OWS, “On May 1st, the world will be watching …”

Which means what? Are the wiggy bastards planning to blow something up? So far, the protests have remained deliberately peaceful; but when you see a list of specific events leading up to what seems to be an ominous warning … well … it gives a person pause.

Whatever. Take a few minutes and see what they’ve accomplished—and please note that these are not hippies and crusty jugglers. OWS is comprised of veterans, teachers, pilots, professionals, police officers, clergy, and just about every other kind of person who you wouldn’t expect to see demonstrating in the street.

Right. Follow the link. And if you’re not even sure why millions of people have begun a global revolution, http://www.chrismartenson.com/ is as good a place as any to start. Watch Dr. Martenson’s Crash Course video series, which will amaze, terrify, and even exhilarate you.

In other news, the governor of Washington, Chris Gregoire, has announced that she is introducing a bill that will allow homosexuals to marry. She outlines her position in this eloquent speech:

Yes, it’s about goddamned time that we start behaving as if we’re living in the 21st Century.

Finally, automotive leaders are wringing their hands and arguing about whether or not battery-operated cars, hybrids, and even hydrogen models are worth bothering with. Read the full story on MSNBC here. (And if you watch the Crash Course series, you’ll better understand that these new machines are vital.)

Here’s your wisdom:

John T. Schmitz

John T. Schmitz

John T. Schmitz is the editor & publisher of Secret Laboratory; he is the founder of Maple Hills Press and has also freelanced as a writer and photographer, contributing to various local and international publications. Mr. Schmitz lives in Minnesota with his wife, Megan, and their two children; he is the author of four books.

E-mail Mr. Schmitz at editor@secretlaboratory.org.

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EDITOR’S COLUMN

1
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."

"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."

"But what do I write?"

"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."

"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"

"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."

Hello Lab!

The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.

So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.

No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.

John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security

In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.

For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/

The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.

I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...

But I can't seem to find John.

John?

Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...

"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"

—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org

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Secret Laboratory is an online entertainment magazine for Music, News, & Global Affairs; it is published in the USA by Maple Hills Press.

Secret Laboratory is a progressive publication that supports human rights and building a better future for mankind. We specialize in humor, satire, news analysis, and support indie authors. Maple Hills Press, a non-traditional publishing imprint, believes that all talented writers should have a platform for their work, whether it be on the Internet, in the eBook market, or in print.

We welcome your comments, questions, and suggestions; we also encourage writers to submit their work and for bloggers to re-publish their columns here. If you're interested in joining our team, please visit our Submissions Page.

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