The City Pages reported on Wednesday that overall, our elected officials are much better off financially than we are—particularly Republicans (Minnesota’s four House Republicans have an average net worth of $1,413,752; in comparison, the four House Democrats have an average net worth of just $292,999). Yes, members of Congress are worth over nine times what the average American is—and while their net worth increased by 15% over the last six years, the average American’s dropped by 8%. Only 1% of the American population are millionaires; in contrast, 40% of members of Congress are.
Right. And these people “represent” us.
In global news, there’s already rumors of an impending civil war in Iraq. I’m shocked. Some might use this to illustrate their opinion that we left too soon; I, on the other hand, believe that this shows the opposite to be true. I’ve been saying ever since that little dustup started that the whole thing was a waste of time. Did we learn nothing from Vietnam? After years of mucking around in the jungle, we finally called it quits and Saigon fell immediately.
After Tuesday's defeat, Michele Bachmann painted her face to illustrate that she's a "sad clown." The candidate then officially withdrew from the race, but promised Minnesotans that they would still have her to kick around.
Meanwhile, things in Iowa went about the way I expected—except I didn’t think that Rick Santorum would come in only eight votes behind Romney. Ron Paul came in a close third, followed by Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry, and finally Michele Bachmann, who has been forced to come to grips with reality. Yes, the Wicked Witch of the Midwest is … well … she’s not dead, but the rest of the country—save Minnesota—will at least be spared any more of her neurotic, batty brand of fundamentalist bullshit.
My local papers reported on the Bachmann fiasco yesterday morning—and both of them wondered aloud what her next move will be. Huh? Her literary career has been a bad joke; therefore, her next move will consist of a desperate attempt to hold onto her seat in Congress—which might end up being a tough thing to do when Minnesota’s political districts are restructured next month. There’s a good chance that Bachmann might find herself defending her seat against the likes of Betty McCollum—and if that happens … well … she’s fucked.
The fact is, Michele Bachmann has been screeching about her Iowa roots for so long that Minnesotans no longer consider her own of their own—and Iowa doesn’t want her either. Bachmann has been stumping in Iowa for the last year, ignoring her district—and her constituents are not going to forget that.
Some have suggested that she might try to go into talk radio—or maybe produce her own cable access show—but if she couldn’t even come up with new material for her speeches or answer a simple question during the debates, she sure as hell isn’t going to succeed as a broadcaster.
Bachmann is such a screwball that she’s probably trying to cook up a scheme to get into the Governor’s Mansion.
But I doubt it. Even though the Pioneer Press referred to her as “a serious contender for the Republican presidential nomination,” everyone except for the Tea Party crazies (and the folks who work at that poor excuse for a newspaper) see her for what she is: a shrill, frigid old bitch who has about as much sense as a salamander.
Hmmm…. I’d better be careful. I’m coming dangerously close to straying from the righteous path of Objective Journalism. The thing is, I almost get sad when the likes of Tim Pawlenty and Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann pack up their shit and go home—they’re so damned much fun to kick around.
"You homos won't be getting married on MY watch!" promised Rick Santorum.
And what about Rick Santorum? Well, I thought that he’d be gone by now too; but I guess that he deserves his shot at being the “flavor of the week” just like everyone else. If the New Hampshire polls are correct, Romney is going to walk away with 43% of the vote, Paul will come in second with 18%, and Santorum might finish third—with 8%. He should keep in mind that Bachmann won the Ames straw poll back in August.
Santorum does okay when he talks to crowds of befuddled old church ladies; however, he was practically lynched when he tried out his act on a group of college students. Poor old Rick has a real problem with homosexuality, which is one of his favorite things to talk about. When he started in with his crap, the crowd turned on him.
“How about the idea that all men are created [with] equal rights to happiness and liberty?” a woman asked.
“Are we saying that everyone should have the right to marry?” Santorum replied.
Well … yeah. Remember when interracial couples were taboo? Maybe not. It all depends on how old you are.
Santorum and his conservative pals talk about “small government” and “states’ rights”—until they’re faced with a really important issue, like the sanctity of marriage. When pressed, Santorum admitted that having homosexuals living in wedded bliss was just too awful, and nothing short of a federal law banning such an abomination would do.
Here’s what Santorum thinks, in his own words: “Liberals believe that the traditional family is neither natural nor vital, that it’s an antiquated social convention which has not only outlived its usefulness, but is now inherently discriminatory and repressive toward legitimate alternative ‘families.’”
Exactly. That is exactly what I think.
Ironically, Santorum has used the 1964 Civil Rights Act as an example of when it’s okay for the federal government to step in and usurp state and local governments. So, Rick is okay with black people—just not gay black people.
Go ahead: fine me.
Santorum has love for the FCC, the agency responsible for banning obscenity on radio and television. He also thinks that we’d all be better off if the federal government would step up its efforts to ban violence in video games and movies. Fortunately for us, the U.S. Supreme Court is scheduled to decide on Tuesday whether or not the feds should be allowed to go all to pieces just because a network let’s a “fuck” or a “shit” get by once in a while during a live show. Of course there’s the case of NYPD Blue airing seven seconds of a woman’s nude buttocks in 2003, a travesty that led to $1.2 million in fines.
Jesus Christ. When are we going to come to grips with the fact that one word is no different than another? There are no dirty words—and the idea that certain parts of the human body are somehow obscene is preposterous. Sex and anatomy are not dirty—they are natural parts of not only our lives, but just about every other species’ on the planet. There is a definite purpose in keeping pornography from children; however, seeing a naked breast or bottom is harmless. The only reason that Americans have such a complex about nudity in the first place is that we perpetuate it on ourselves. There are plenty of cultures that run around wearing not a stitch, and they’re doing just fine.
Oh no! The horror!
In 2004, when Janet Jackson briefly exposed her breast during the halftime show of the Super Bowl game, people lost their fucking minds. 500,000 complaints rolled in, the majority of which I’m guessing came from women with breasts of their own. Breasts aren’t even sexual organs, for crying out loud! Men have breasts. We’re allowed to look at those, but no one wants to.
What’s really interesting, is that radio and television broadcasters are the only ones subject to the FCC’s regulations. So, in the age of Internet, satellite, and cable, why is this so? I know very few people who watch broadcast television. My own kids watch cable—and strangely enough, I feel that it’s my responsibility to monitor what they see.
At any rate, Tuesday is going to be a helluva day, what with this court case and the New Hampshire primaries to deal with.
In local news, a nine-year-old Minnesotan named Owen Pilot has been cured of leukemia, thanks to a stem cell transplant. Imagine that: a cure for cancer. From stem cells. But don’t get Rick Santorum started on that issue, either.
And then there’s Mitt Romney, who has been the leader of the pack from the word go. He has just recently unveiled his economic plan, which according to MSNBC, has been “undercut by a detailed analysis by nonpartisan Tax Policy Center that showed Romney’s plan focuses tax cuts on the rich, while cutting taxes marginally for the middle class. It also would effectively raise taxes on those making less than $40,000 a year, the analysis found, when tax cuts put in place by Obama would be allowed to expire.”
Furthermore: “Under Romney’s plan, those making more than $1 million a year would see a tax cut of about $146,000, a 6.9 percent change in after-tax income, while those making between $50,000 and $75,000 would see just an average tax cut of about $250, just a 3.3 percent change, according to the center’s analysis.”
Here’s how the numbers break down from the Tax Policy Center’s table:
Less than $10,000: $112 increase
$10,000-$20,000: $191 increase
$20,000-$30,000: $126 increase
$30,000-$40,000: $14 increase
$40,000-$50,000: $27 cut
$50,000-$75,000: $249 cut
$100,000-$200,000: $1,146 cut
$200,000-$500,000: $5,195 cut
$500,000-$1 million: $19,853
$1 million or more: $145,568
Yup, he’s a Republican all right. Tax the poor and give to the rich. You bet. Sound fiscal policy—if you’re one of the 1%.
Romney said this: “The very poor have a safety net; they’re taken care of.”
Really? That’s news to me. I’m working sixteen hours of overtime this weekend so they don’t turn my lights off, all because after rent, I have just one paycheck every month to pay for the rest of my bills, groceries, gas, and anything else that my family might need.
Here’s a fun one: an American teenager was deported to Colombia simply because she gave authorities a false name and claimed that’s where she came from. Huh. What’s funny is that the girl is African American and speaks no Spanish, which makes a person wonder just what kind of training our ICE agents go through.
Welcome to the weekend.
Here’s your wisdom:
John T. Schmitz
John T. Schmitz is the editor & publisher of Secret Laboratory; he is the founder of Maple Hills Press and has also freelanced as a writer and photographer, contributing to various local and international publications. Mr. Schmitz lives in Minnesota with his wife, Megan, and their two children; he is the author of four books.
E-mail Mr. Schmitz at editor@secretlaboratory.org.
