Secret Laboratory
Music, News, & Global Affairs
Beware, dear reader: spoilers ahead. In October 1929, on a Black Tuesday that marked the depth of what economist Irvine Fisher described as the “great plateau,” foreshadowing some pretty heinous irony, (or in other words, embedding what Welles would have described as an excellent plot catalyst) Orson Welles was probably examining the ideal life,...
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For those of you who regularly read my articles, you know that I generally write silly, funny things and tend to stay away from political issues, especially ones where I take direct quotes from newspapers, as I will in this article. But an article I read yesterday in the Sunday Edition Star Tribune got...
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(Despite my better judgment I felt the need to pull a comment from a recent email I received, which addressed my common use of the word determinism) Cite the exclamation, to whom I felt compelled to respond. “Time is movement. Nature doesn’t determine it. The only thing up for debate is the decision...
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Chronic pain can make your life completely miserable, sometimes even unbearable. I deal with moderate to severe pain on a daily basis and there have been times that I didn’t think I could live another day. I suffer from Fibromyalgia, Restless Leg Syndrome, and severe early onset osteoarthritis. Just imagine having the worst flu...
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Gut-wrenching fear struck me as I looked at the name that popped up on my phone, Deanna Deanna. The name was supposed to only say Deanna, but apparently I had a brain fart the day I entered my Aunt Deanna’s name into my contact list. Just seeing her name once was a enough to...
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Writing fiction is an artistic expression, and like most artistic expressions it relies for much of its essence on a lot of common patterns that both the reader and the writer can recognize. That’s sometimes the best part of observing art: trying to understand the messages behind the expressions. With fiction, there’s a...
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It’s Saturday night, and you know what that means, right ladies? It’s time to party! Time to kick back, take your hair down from that elegant-yet-oppressive chignon, and switch your makeup from “business professional” to “certified streetwalker.” My Saturday’s used to have a hedonistic ritual–sleep until noon, watch hours worth of TiVo, order out...
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In this video, Robert (KE6YDO), and his brother, Richard (KE6RJI), travel to Van Nuys, California from Pico Rivera by bus and rail to visit a friend, Pat Sullivan (KC6WZM), a ham radio operator who is donating some used bicycles to them so they have some form of transportation during their stay at Angels Motel...
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Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! Today is a day of love, chocolate, fancy dinners, jeweley, and sex with the lights on. Since I am your typical uppity diva, I generally demand a combination of 4 or more of the things listed above, but since this month’s fun money has already been pissed down the drain...
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Editor’s Note: As the title of this article suggests, YDO takes this opportunity–and uses YouTube’s free service–to criticize the video giant’s seemingly unfair policies regarding what is and isn’t acceptable to publish. And while an entity such as YouTube, which is intended for all audiences, must adhere to certain standards of decency, we’re left...
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Before you start reading this, you may want to first check out Creating Mental Illness, One Student at a Time for some context. I’m a firm believer in the idea that mistakes are opportunities in disguise – I mean, as long as they don’t result in the irreversible maiming of innocents, or the inadvertent destruction...
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UPDATE: Mental Illness Redux – Behaviorist Mike Samsa Responds. I was having a heated discussion today about the somewhat contrived nature of modern psychology – at least fringe psychology. You see, as I understand things (with said understandings relatively biased and, I’ll admit, somewhat limited in an overall general way, so definitely...
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Editor’s Note: YDO beta tests the new Redbox streaming option and he has some constructive criticism. Below, another user shows us how to kill an RCA console TV using dry ice & YDO. Please go to http://www.youtube.com/user/ke6ydoCh2 and make a donation or click on the button below. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working...
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Should Games have a story? Americans are getting dumber. Sorry to point it out, but your kids are getting a shitty education, being fed brain rotting cartoons and the media treats them like they are too stupid for their own good. Then again as a society, we’ve now become obsessed with reality TV, and...
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I was parsing the quality of some movies with a friend a few days ago. You know how it goes – us consumers often measure things against the standards by which all other things of equal categorization are judged – books to books, music to music, cars to cars, apples to oranges, and…...
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Editor’s Note: YDO appears as a guest on the radio show, Illogical Contraption. Update: No longer on fccfreeradio.com, Illogical Contraption can now be heard Sundays On a REAL radio station, Radio Valencia 87.9 FM in the San Francisco area! Please go to http://www.youtube.com/user/ke6ydoCh2 and make a donation or click on the button below. Robert Martin, born sometime in...
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Editor’s Note: In these videos, YDO wears a hat fashioned from a beer case and celebrates with RJI & Brian. Please go to http://www.youtube.com/user/ke6ydoCh2 and make a donation or click on the button below. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got...
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Here’s a bit of mildly interesting mélange of events for you. First, it goes without saying that the Citizens United decision gets smellier the longer it remains unflushed in the toilet of our legislative process. My opinion, for what it’s worth, is that the largest businesses should be recognized as part of the legislative...
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Are you looking for SX in all the wrong places? Can’t afford Sex-Dot-Com…or Sex-Dot-Anything for that matter? Well there is new hope for those of us who wish to retire early on our earnings as Internet porn purveyors. No need now to pay ten million plus for a Dot Com that signals salaciousness like...
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So last night was my official birthday outing. I was planning on going to ‘Insert Coins’ the new Video Game Nightclub in Minneapolis, then I read it was basically ladies night. See that wouldn’t bother me normally, but the amount of alcohol required for me to ignore all the ‘wooooooo!’ would probably kill me....
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If Germany is known for one thing, it’s their unofficial motto of “Go big or go home.” Whether they are holding hateful pep rallies or improving on wiener schnitzel, they always take things to the next level. So it’s no surprise to anyone that the newest metal band to come from there is taking...
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Thousands of baby rats streamed out of the corners and cracks, their tiny pink bodies soon covering the dirty walls and floor. He bolted awake onto an elbow, breathing heavily and blinking away the huddles of baby rats he saw lying on the carpet. He lied back down onto the couch and wondered why...
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Editor’s Note: In this first video, YDO and RJI prove to us that the world is still here–and that Santa is real! Included afterwards are a number of previously unpublished videos. Please go to http://www.youtube.com/user/ke6ydoCh2 and make a donation or click on the button below. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the...
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Lab Rats. If you haven’t noticed, the bulk of my posts throughout this year have revolved around one solitary idea: the purpose of life. It could be that I’m just at that age, you know? Mid-twenties, feeling compelled to question any and everything. Or, which I’m more inclined to believe, it could be that...
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In this video, YDO & RJI visit their beloved VW Rabbit in what will become its final resting place. Please go to http://www.youtube.com/user/ke6ydoCh2 and make a donation or click on the button below. Robert Martin, born sometime in 1961, began working at the age of 15 as a truck driver when his dad got too...
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For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.
These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.
This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.
Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.
To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.
And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.
And ... meh.
—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."
"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."
"But what do I write?"
"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."
"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"
"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."
Hello Lab!
The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.
So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.
No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.
John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security
In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.
For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/
The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.
I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...
But I can't seem to find John.
John?
Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...
"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"
—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org
