Secret Laboratory
Music, News, & Global Affairs
Web Site: http://queuethulu.blogspot.com
Should Games have a story? Americans are getting dumber. Sorry to point it out, but your kids are getting a shitty education, being fed brain rotting cartoons and the media treats them like they are too stupid for their own good. Then again as a society, we’ve now become obsessed with reality TV, and...
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So last night was my official birthday outing. I was planning on going to ‘Insert Coins’ the new Video Game Nightclub in Minneapolis, then I read it was basically ladies night. See that wouldn’t bother me normally, but the amount of alcohol required for me to ignore all the ‘wooooooo!’ would probably kill me....
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This is more of a rant than my normal mostly thought out articles. I reached a boiling point today because of DRM bullshit and WiiU hatred coming from reviewers. So here’s what my personal thoughts are… I’ve been having pseudo back and forths with other reviewers about the industry, and it’s gotten me thinking...
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I never write 2 articles in one day, however I finally got around to the DMC demo that was released 4 days ago. After playing it, I felt compelled to write… I’ll admit, when I first saw the updated DMC reboot, I was in shock at Dante’s drastic new look. I didn’t start crying...
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I’ll be honest and say that I am a Grasshopper Manufacture fan boy. Killer 7, No More Heroes, Shining Soul, Sine Mora, to me they just make great games. I think the reason is because what they do is quite different from their contemporaries, they strive for unique. Personally I think Ghichi Suda is...
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Usually, I don’t get too into mobile phone gaming. I have a Gameboy emulator and Pokemon on my cell and that’s about it. Mobile gaming for me usually was a Gameboy RPG… However at a IDGA Twin Cities meetup last month, a young lady from Concrete Software stood up and briefly mentioned that they...
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Nerds worldwide had a collective aneurism when it was announced that Disney was buying Lucasfilm. Some fans are bummed, some are looking forward to Episode 7, one cynical writer called it a Deathblow. That’s a bit melodramatic, as recently LucasArts games haven’t been steadily good. With games like The Force Unleashed and it’s sequel,...
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Well… this is a unique treat. This game surprised me, I got much talk about it on twitter so I decided to check into it myself. This game, which started out slightly odd to me, won me over almost instantly with its over the top gore, unique art and bodacious soundtrack. That’s right, BODACIOUS....
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Seriously reviewers, its easy to whine about how not scary a game is, how you can melee the whole time and fail to mention the good qualities of a solid title. So instead of showing a video, I will actually write a proper review, since all I seem to read is people bitching that...
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So there is a video for this, but when I was playing it “Goddamnit” came out of my mouth so much I feared that I’d be cursed. I will instead talk of it, and you can watch me suffer. Imagine vulgarity every time the screen gets staticy. …and no, I did not cry like...
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I have a fairly absurd collection of games. I did inherit quite a few from my buddy Nick, however I’m always checking stores for games I’m missing or have been stolen over the years. However as of recent, I’ve noticed that some stores aren’t offering friendly service these days. I’m not expecting to walk...
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No game this article, as I figured I’d write something a bit more personal. My description says I’ve been making games since 2003, however I didn’t have the balls to start Queuethulu Games LLC until 2011′s “Rapture” threats were floating around my area. At the time, I was working at a debt collector law...
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The 1990′s introduced us to some great 3d fighting games. We got Tekken, Soul Edge (Soul Calibur’s predecessor) Toshinden (well after 2 it really tanked…) Killer Instinct... I could probably name more, but let’s get going. Sega had… well still has, AM2, who did a great number of arcade games and ports to home...
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You ever hear of a browser called OPERA? It’s on the Wii, which I just had to use to log into my Facebook account because their McAfee checkpoint claims that I’m infected. …but Netscape also works… huh… that’s weird… I can understand Facebook wanting to protect users identities, but for something like this to...
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Well let me start out by thanking Laura Gerald for the guided tour, which helped immensely. Also Id like to thank the Gaylaxicon party and the “save the princess” party for answering some questions for this article. Kiki Snell, Chris Bechtold, Kendra Petros, and of course, that stand up group that handed me a...
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Editor’s Note: Our Gaming editor, Josh Flaherty, shares this video on AniMinneapolis, 2012. Josh Flaherty is an independent game designer from Minneapolis, MN and owner of Queuethulu Games LLC. He has worked on independent video games since 2003 and is passionate about the art of games, unique stories, and long walks down dark alleys. Visit...
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Over the years, many crazy games have been made, and depending on the region, have had some slight changes made to them. Robots replaced Marines in Half-Life and Contra is called Probotector in Europe, Wolfenstein is banned in Germany (way to hide from your past) and let’s face it, many things are butchered when...
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This is not an anti-gay article, I myself am a gay dude and a game designer. I’m just here today as ‘Gay Pride Month’ draws to a close to let everyone they’ve been playing with gay characters in video games for years. From Super Mario Bros 2 and on we’ve had countless LGBT characters,...
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My only gripe about studies setting out to prove something is that some go out of the way to make sure they succeed. The entire video games/violence argument is silly to me, considering they only time I ever got “violent” over a video game was because a friend dumped a beer on my xbox...
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The 90′s had some great games, franchises, fun, exciting and original games. BUBSY WAS NOT ONE OF THEM. He was Accolade’s attempt at a mascot, however unlike Mario and Sonic, they went overboard with the personality… giving him shades of Paulie Shore, Gilbert Godfrey and Judy Tenuta. Just an abomination of horrible jokes, one...
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Everyones all about supporting the indie developer, from Braid to Minecraft to Fez, there are quite a few big name indie games out there. However for every indie game that makes it big, there are those that toil away in obscurity. These souls work to the bone for the art they love, dealing with...
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I don’t know if anyone knows, but there is this little franchise I hate out there called ‘Halo’. My college roommate was so into Master Chief he ruined any amount of fun I might have had playing it. “You can only use the pistol, no power ups, no swords, no rockets…” the wonderful world...
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If you were a kid and a gamer in the 1990′s you got a plethora of some of the most critically acclaimed games in the world. Contra: The Alien Wars, Final Fantasy 6, Dynamite Headdy, Gunstar Heroes, and the original Alone in the Dark. I won’t be talking about any of those this time,...
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For those of us here in Minnesota, winter is not quite over. May is half gone and a few hours ago, it was 40 degrees outside. I had the fireplace on and the space heater going. Then the sun came out, the temperature jumped about 30 degrees, and I had to open the windows.
These days we hear a lot of talk about Global Warming. Whether or not there is any truth to it remains to be seen—and frankly, it doesn't make a damned bit of difference either way. Climate change is real—warmer, colder, whatever—but it has nothing to do with us and we're never going to prevent it. And since we got a foot of snow last week and it's going to be 90 on Tuesday ... well ... I'm not sold on Global Warming. The weatherman can't even predict rain, let alone tell us whether or not we're facing an inferno and/or an ice age.
This weekend is the fishing opener. This means very little to me, as I never bother with a license anyway. It's also Mother's Day. Recently I've been bombarded by emails from an online florist, suggesting that I send Ex-wife #2 a beautiful bouquet.
Never in hell. Maybe if they had an option to have the arrangement stuffed with angry bees; but barring that ... no.
To hell with holidays and bees and everything else. For the last 24 hours, Terencio and I have been plotting the future of this magazine. He even wrote his column and published a couple of articles. The next order of business is for me to write something.
And I might. I have plenty to say—none of it important, of course—but a meandering essay with no direction whatsoever is probably the best way to ease back into my routine. Politics? Not to start. Not today.
And ... meh.
—John T. Schmitz
Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
Founder, Maple Hills Press
editor@secretlaboratory.org
"I wanted my own column in the sidebar ... but now I don't know what to do with it."
"But sure you do! You write in it! That is what most people who claim the moniker of writer would likely do."
"But what do I write?"
"The resolution to that parable, my friend, lies upon the path that you must seek."
"Who are you?! And where did you come from?!"
"I am...the part of you that is, and will be, in all that we are..."
Hello Lab!
The voices are becoming louder and the cries ever more commanding. I hear them and I am working the best I can to whip myself into some kind of respectable shape and take back my claim to authorship.
So, I have been signaled to action from the Lab's headquarters. There has been much waking from many deep slumbers and now the drowsiness is fading and the challenges of the day are dutifully materializing before my conscience in their daily summons to contest.
No fear, Secret Laboratory! Power down the Bat Beacon, John.
John. John? Wherefore art thou? Come quickly and hear ye: The Lab is scheduled to receive a bright and refreshing burst of content! I have plans for at least one new category: Network Security
In the recent weeks I have become familiar with penetration testing software such as Backtrack and Kali Linux. These are Linux based Operating Systems that are used by network security professionals for white hat constructive hacking; and network exploiting operators for black hat destructive hacking. Writers of Secret Laboratory are free to show interest in this new category if you so choose. I will be producing content regarding how to crack WEP/WPA/WPA2 wireless encryption and how to protect yourself from such attacks, for starters. It only gets interesting from there.
For those of you interested in preparing yourself for this new world of fun and adventure, I recommend you go ahead and get the tools: Kali Linux
It can be downloaded at - http://www.kali.org/downloads/
The Secret Laboratory is in the grueling process of churning old gears and installing new ones to bring life into our world of journalistic comedy and tragedy. Sink or swim, this boat is headed out to sea.
I'm headed off to write a column now that the voices in my head have stopped...
But I can't seem to find John.
John?
Oh shit. Really? He's in the bathroom? Again? Geez, I'm glad I didn't have whatever he did. Must have been the pills. I'm glad I only had the purple ones...
"Hey John! Can you reach the mini fridge from in there? I think I need another beer!"
—Terencio Safford
Editor, Secret Laboratory
terencio@secretlaboratory.org
